Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Parkhurst at it again; wolf irked by slander

Carolyn Parkhurst is a social media–savvy author, in a good way. She gets that people respond to entertainment and creativity, not hype. The following is from her enormous string of rhyming couplets on classic sitcoms, posted to Twitter.
Lucy had some wacky plans, gave her lots of things to ‘splain.
Seattle’s full of caffeine addicts, listening to Frasier Crane.
Ralph Kramden to-the-moon’ed whenever Alice gave him flack.
Sweathogs were unlikely heroes, welcomed Mr. Kotter back.
Raymond’s family lived too close, made his wife a tad uneasy.
Florence was a sharp-tongued gal, moved on up with George and Weezy.
For today's dose of literary humor, I commend to you these riffs on Red Riding Hood and Henry James  from the website "historic lols."

The wolf's letter reminds me of Ian Frazier's classic New Yorker humor piece (v66, Feb 26, 1990, p. 42): a fictional opening statement to a lawsuit by Wile E. Coyote against Acme Products.
Here's an excerpt:
Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labelling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workmen's Compensation.
      Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of fity feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled brought it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa.
If you're a New Yorker fan, be sure to avail yourself of our many anthologies and products emanating from the venerable mag, including the complete cartoons (!), cartoon contest book, notecards, engagement calendar, journal, story collections, and Christmas anthology.

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